The Art of Seduction

In the past year and a half of dancing I have been struck by the lack of sensuality among most of the performers.Looking sexy is more than simply showing as much of your beautiful body as possible. In fact, knowing just what to show and what to cover is vastly more important. As a performer, one should consider a stage set or a lap dance a strip tease. Make it fun to do and to watch! Here are a couple of tips-
1. Take it off slowly. One of my pet peeves is watching a dancer walk off to the side of the stage and peel her clothes off as though no one is watching and just drop them or toss them to the side. Burlesque dancers are a great resource for taking off clothing in a fun way.
2. Wear layers.
No, not like you would for a snowstorm, but more than just lingerie. Perhaps a cute bra under a little top, and some cheekie undies over your thong, all under a little skirt. That way you have more to take off periodically, and !surprise! I’m more naked than before! (This works especially well for the end of a lap dance, and as a secret layer that only those who purchase dances get to see.)
3. Be confident and make eye contact!
These two don’t necessarily go together, but are equally important and confidence will help with the eye contact. When you make eye contact, with a flirty little smile, and walk confidently, then every little sway and shake is perceived as intended specifically for the one you are looking at. You will give the impression that person is the only one you want, and you want badly.

You’re welcome for the extra money and passionate encounters. 🙂

Almost lovers

Who goes to strip clubs? Sure, the lonely old men and the bachelor parties and rowdy college students… but those are the easy answers. Who are the people? What do they do, what drives them, what’s underneath?

They are businessmen traveling to your city… stockbrokers, attorneys, and construction workers
They are local business owners on their one day off per month, or they are having a business lunch with clients or employees.

They are artists of all types- children’s book authors, graphic designers, photographers, novelists, painters and sculptors.
They are musicians- professional symphony string players, internationally renowned rock stars, and garage bands trying to make their way.

They are teachers, university professors, firefighters and ex-cops.

There’s the retired veterinarian and university professor who’s edited a few books, looking for companionship and the tender touch of a female since his wife died three years ago. They were married 60 years and he spends his time now gardening and sculpting.

There’s the couple newly empty-nesters out for a good time to spice things up; she’s always been curious about being with another woman and he wants her to enjoy herself so much he declines the offer to join the private lap dance.

They all want to have fun, or forget their worries, or fill the void left by an unsatisfying marriage (or divorce). Many can carry on a great conversation. In fact, the most interesting simply want to sit and talk. It’s your mind that keeps them coming back.

You and they are almost lovers, but for having met in a gentleman’s club.

My health insurance should cover this

I’ve written a bit before about the similarities between stripping and psychotherapy. They are not lost on my customers, either.
A few days ago I read this article about the benefits of physical touch, and had a brief conversation with a regular customer about the fact. I was then struck by the tragic irony that mental health professionals’ codes of ethics prohibit offering this essential piece of well-being.

Yet, perhaps as a direct result, my work at the club is that much more rewarding.

Yes, rewarding. As in feel-good-warm-fuzzies and not just a paycheck.

Knowing that many who are socially isolated, or simply lacking some of the essential aspects of social interaction, can come experience some of that with me is a nice thing to think about. And I have genuinely interesting conversations. Well-placed questions get my customers talking, I listen intently, and then am told, “my health insurance should cover this.”

Who would have thought that stripping could be a form of social justice?

Playing the long game

I’ve learned a few lessons about doing well at work.
First of all, taking breaks- as in a couple of weeks– is super helpful. It keeps it fun and returns some of the novelty to the job, making for a great attitude upon return. Additionally, having regulars who miss me when I’m gone boosts my confidence when I return.

Attitude really is everything (well, almost). This is the second lesson. I still don’t particularly care for working shifts with a lot of young (read under 35) guys, but I have learned to shift my focus and my strategy accordingly with them.

While I prefer having great conversations, and not being treated like a commodity that is according someone else social status, I can relish the knowledge that the college student who thinks he’s all that is actually powerless. I am the one with the power, and I can and will take my attention away from him in a split second. As soon as he starts the “oh, not yet, I just sat down, I want to finish my drink first,” while putting his arm around my waist, I politely and flirtatiously smile, whisper some nonsense in his ear, then walk off and find someone else to dance for.

It’s a bit harder when there are not many customers spending money, but it is still crucial to not waste my time. If I’m a commodity to him, then I’m going to be a hot, scarce commodity and he’s going to recognize it one way or another. Sure, you’re good-looking– but I’m sexier and your looks don’t matter in here, bud– what matters is the green in your wallet and your ability to respect me.

The regulars I have know what respect is. And in return, they have a non-traceable phone number or email by which to contact me and I let them know when I’m coming in to work or not. The occasional hello or link to some interesting TED talk lets them know I remember them, and they are special in some sense. They will keep coming back, and in the long run I’ll be richer for it.

Social (In)justice: Who Says?

sexualityreclaimed

During the course of talking to my advisor yesterday (who, thankfully, is totally on my side), I was informed that not only are the other faculty members outraged at the ethical violations inherent in being a stripper while also training to become a therapist, they are outraged at how being a stripper contributes to further injustice in the world.

Apparently, stripping supports The Patriarchy, contributes to the objectification and violence against women, and supports trafficking of girls.

Holy $h!t.

Like I discussed earlier about patriarchy and stripping, I think this world is full of “both/and,” and far less of “either/or.” I will not disagree that by participating in stripping I am supporting the “male gaze.” I also think there is more to my story of stripping.

What matters, to me, is the personal intention, awareness, and small-scale action that takes place within oppressive structures.

What about my classmates…

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Secrets of the Champagne Room

I recently came across this little piece about ‘snuggle shops.’

It seems the primary concern of opponents is that it could be a front for prostitution… Or that it won’t stop at snuggling because if there is physical contact, something as benign as snuggling isn’t what people want. Well, that’s simply not true.
How do I know this? One, as social animals we need human contact to thrive. Any psych 101 class will cover the experiments done with monkeys and studies on infants in orphanages that have given us our most salient examples of this.

As a therapist and with the scientific knowledge we have about how important touch is, I applaud the owners of such establishments for working to make it feasible for the lonely to get some physical touch that may increase their oxytocin and decrease cortisol to the point they can take other steps to enhance the strength of their social network.

But….there are already countless establishments doing this already. They are called gentlemen’s clubs, cabarets, strip joints, titty bars… Which brings me to the second reason I know cuddling is in fact often what men want: at least half of the VIP rooms I sell are to men who just want to snuggle, and/or talk. No bumping and grinding, no harassment or sex. Just to hold and be held.

With that said, the industry may have a competitor for business soon as the rates are much lower at the snuggle house and services come free of the social stigma that accompanies strip clubs.

#9

Way #9 my job as a stripper is like my job as a therapist:
I spread the art of rationality and encourage people to think better.

How do I do this as a stripper, you might ask? No, it’s not with the other dancers (though I suppose I could do that as well).
Imagine a sexy librarian…carrying a book…and that book happens to be Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality. Great conversation starter 🙂

Ways stripping is like my job as a therapist

#8
I profit from others’ pain. What’s more, they give me explicit permission to do so. They want to give me money to help them feel better about themselves and life.
Similar reasons drive people in to see me in both places: divorce, depression, loneliness, a desire to escape something…. and these are the ones I make the most money off of.

It might sound callous, or as though I am taking advantage of them– yet it is perfectly consensual, everyone understands that this is the arrangement, and I would not be upset if my services were not needed to alleviate suffering.

Way #7 stripping is like my job as a therapist

There are always people want to benefit without contributing. They leave with considerably less than those who are willing to invest themselves.

Way #6 stripping is like my day job as a therapist

Conversations about books on psychology, neuroscience, and psychopaths. True story- spent about 20 minutes discussing these with a customer! The new book Social comes recommended.